


Always

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Other, Padawans, can be percieved as platonic or romantic, gender neutral reader, inspired by panic! at the disco's "always", jedi/padawan ben solo, mental breakdown for ben, not descript reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6033330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The two eras of a sad boy and a broken man.</p>
<p>The two times you hurt him in unintentional and emotional misunderstandings.<br/>The two times he hurt you accidentally or on purpose.</p>
<p>Ben Solo will inevitably turn to the dark and nothing can stop that. The light calls in the form of a friend, a dear training partner. </p>
<p>He answers to their call in two ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhaaaaa I'm sorry about Coming Down. I felt bad about not updating it, and I felt like it already had it's run. I'm deleting the chapter announcing hiatus by the time this goes up, so it's over. I don't think you can expect more updates from there, but I might be able to do another series once I'm more committed.  
> But anyway, here is my offering. I've had this idea for awhile, and I hope I can get back into writing.
> 
> Other notes: the song that you hum here can be anything. As long as it has a meaning to you, a sense of comfort when you hear it. I'm not restricting your choices, but as a mention, I chose Always because of its tone and lyrics. Have fun reading everybody!

He sat, arms curled around his knees. Ben was quiet as his chest heaved. He was more than sad, more than tired, more than exhausted of all his training. His training to be a Jedi proved to be downright overwhelming, yet, he had expected nothing less. His doubts overtook his thoughts again, as he let out a strangled whimper and forced him to look at the sunset of Coruscant, something natural outside of the force and cosmopolitan nature of the city-like planet. The sunset calmed him, at least most times.  
This moment had left him in the same state. The orange glowing sun went down without giving him its warmth and comfort and he recalled the thoughts he tried to forget. He missed everyone. He missed his mother and his father, and the Wookie who swore to protect him when he was younger. He missed his innocence and childlike nature of having not a care in the world. But here he is, meditating and training and sparring all day. He wanted to go back. He wanted his mother to plant a kiss on his head, and his father to wrap his arm around his shoulder. He longed for the days they were together as a family.

His doubts consisted of his own personal achievements, and others thoughts. He didn’t want to be envied, or have people jealous of him. He just wanted to be a good padawan, and learn, and be a Jedi. He wanted to fulfill his parents’ hopes as well as that of his uncle. He didn’t want to be a failure, or a monster that hurts ones they love and care about. Unlike what he was earlier today.

A sharp pang ached beneath his ribs and he clutched his robes.

He held back his tears as his dark hair covered his features when he leaned his forehead against his knees. Breathing slowly in an attempt to slow the painfully fast beating in his chest. The blood that rushed in his ears deafened him, and he did not hear the footsteps of another padawan speed up and end behind him.

The younger of the two slowly creeped upto him. They were confused about what he was doing here, curled up outside the Jedi temple. They quirked a brow and was about to reach for his hair to jokingly ruffle it, but pulled back when they heard a pained and distressed gasp for air. _Is he… is Ben crying?_

The padawan shook their head. _Can’t possibly be. He’s Ben Solo. He’s intelligent, he’s uncaring, but skilled Ben Solo. Son of Leia, sister of Luke._ But their eyes only widened more as they heard a full sob erupt from the now quaking body of the dark haired teen.

They couldn’t help themselves as they slid down to his level and sat beside him. Ben felt the slightest disturbance in the force, and an aura close by. He sharply looked up and to the side, and met his training partner’s gaze. He wiped his face as quickly as he could, the tears stained his sleeve and he looked away. He kept quiet. He didn’t know what to say to them, he didn’t even have anything to say.  
“Ben, are.. Are you alright?” Their voice is soft, but unwavering. Firm and gentle. He doesn’t respond. “Ben, please answer me. This isn’t like you.” Ignored.

They let out a shaky sigh, signifying their proximity to crying out of worry. “Ben please answer me. This isn’t like you, and if I did anything, I’m sorry. If I made you mad or sad please for-“ 

**“Why should you be sorry? You didn’t, you didn’t do anything wrong.”** He spat, not with venom or disgust at them, but with the twinge of remorse and guilt. They paused and looked at their arm.

It’s bandaged, and not bleeding. It’s been disinfected and they are due for changing bandages the next morning. The revelation hit them hard, though the assumption floated in the back of their mind.

“Do you mean earlier today?” He glanced at them in his peripheral vision. He looked away and gave a short nod while he bit his quivering lips. They sighed. “Ben, you didn’t mean it. You told me this already. It wasn’t your fault, it was a mistake. I forgave you.” At this, the older raven haired boy turned to his friend and buried his face in their shoulder and their neck, and cried. Through the sniffs, and gasps of breath, they could make out phrases and sentences. Things like “I didn’t mean it”, “I never want to hurt you”, and multiple “I’m Sorry”s. 

They clutched him tightly, not letting him go. However, they remained silent until his wheezes for air quieted down to a deep breath. And there, they began to hum to him.  
A song with its lyrics forgotten, a verse of it no longer recalled or remembered. But, its warm and soft beat brings back the comfort that he hadn’t felt for a long time. Ben slowly came away from the padawan’s shoulder, and he lowered his head onto their lap facing outwards towards the city, and listened to their voice, and felt the reverberation throughout their body. 

His eyes got less red, his breathing came back to normal speed, and his heart slowed to a natural pace. He coughed, and built the courage to talk once more. “What’s that song?” He asked softly, voice cracked, and lightly stroking their arm that ran through his messy dark locks. They stopped humming and went in silence. “Well?” Ben turned to them, and twisted his body around. He tried to encourage them to speak by reassuringly ghosting his fingers over the cream-coloured bandages around their arm. They let out a laugh, and patted his hair.

“I recall not the song itself, but memories flood back for me.” He expressed a sound of confusion, at which they both let out a snort. “But really then,” He stops laughing. “Why do you know it? Why do you remember it?”  
They stopped, and paused again. They brought a hand to their lips in thought. “Before… Before being brought to the Jedi Temple, I remembered not my parents, but this song. This song was sung to me when I cried late at night, and I do not know who sang to me, but it always brought me comfort.” They shrugged and gazed into his eyes, which looked up at them with curiosity. “I thought it would help you.”

For a few minutes, they were silent, until Ben felt something was missing.

“Could you please hum again..?” The soft and somber voice of their friend broke the silence. They looked at him in alarm, but slowly calmed to a vague ghost of a smirk. They nod. “Of course.”


End file.
